It has been officially 6 months since I found out the truth and we decided that it was finally time to tell the children that there would be significant changes in the future. Why did it take so long to tell them? I'm not really sure, but it seemed like there was always something happening that got in the way. We wanted to tell them on a weekend when we could have a full day to be together as a 'family' and be available to answer any and all questions that the kids might have had. We also didn't want the children to associate the news with anything else in their lives; soccer, holidays, school functions, etc. I guess part of it was also the two of us cringing under the weight of this reality. If we told the children, then it was really real...no turning back.
Anyway, each of us had prepared things to say and ways to say them. We had all sorts of positive spins that we thought we could put on the situation. We had planned several great activities that would be fun and help the kids and us get our minds off the immanent changes.
We gathered what strength and courage that we had and called the children in to talk with us. We began talking to the kids in their Love Languages the best we could. We prepared calenders for each of them showing the days they would be living with daddy and days that they would be living with mommy. Muffin (3 years old) quickly lost interest in the conversation and began to play. Then she departed into the other room to find a more entertaining activity. Peanut (6 years old) seemed concerned at first, but then began to get excited about the idea of having two different homes/places to play. He was really thrilled with the prospect of helping mommy pick out a new home. The thing that concerned him most was the idea of riding a different bus to school than the one he rides now.
Frankly, I was shocked. We spent weeks agonizing and stressing about telling the children and one didn't care and the other one is excited about it. One of the hardest parts of this entire divorce turned out to be nothing. Sure, the full reality of the situation hasn't hit them yet and they won't truly understand it until they have to experience first hand the joint custody schedule, but at least the seed is planted and they can mull it over for a month or two until it happens. Then (hopefully) it won't be such a shock to their systems.
Waiting also had benefits for me. It gave me a chance to come to terms with the situation and accept the fact that things were over and would never go back to the way they used to be. It gave me a chance to gather my strength so that I could be strong for the children should I have to be.
I guess things have a way of working out....
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