Christmas 2010

Thelma had to work on Christmas Eve, so it was just the kids and me.  It was fantastic!  We baked chocolate chip cookies for Santa and put out carrots for the Reindeer.  Of course we had to sample the cookies to make sure they were up to specification for Santa.  I bought the Pillsbury 'brick' of cookie dough that is made to break apart into individual pieces for easier preparation.  I figured that the kids could break them off and feel like they were the ones making cookies for Santa.

We pulled up the official Santa Tracker through NORAD.  Peanut was very excited about the whole thing and would stand on his stool in front of the computer so that he could give minute-by-minute updates on Santa's position.  I was usually called over to share in the excitement every time Santa moved on to a new location.

Waiting for Santa

I told the kids not to come out of their rooms in the morning until I went in to wake them up.  I wanted to take pictures and video of them as they discovered all of their loot.  The best laid plans don't always work as expected.  I was awoken early in the morning to sounds of delighted squealing and shouts of, "He came!  He came!" or "He brought me such-and-such!"  Not what I had planed, but a wonderful way to wake up, none-the less.

Peanut got a Nintendo DS and a bunch of action figures, cars and art supplies.  Muffin had a Toy Story Christmas and also got a lot of art supplies.  They got more stuff than more people get in 10 Christmas's.  I'm glad...they needed some magic and excitement in their lives this year.

After Santa's visit

I got a Keurig coffee maker from mom and dad and a popcorn popper from the kids.  I also got a couple of iTunes gift cards from the in-laws. 

Each of the kids got about 3 pounds of chocolate in their stockings.  I also put an apple and an orange in the toe of each stocking to balance out some of the sugary malnutrition and because it is tradition.  Santa always put fruit in my stocking.  As Peanut was cleaning out his stocking, he pulled out the orange and apple and said, "Why did Santa put this orange and apple in my stocking?  That's just crazy!"  Then he threw the orange over his shoulder.  Yeah, well, I didn't understand it when I was his age, either.

The in-laws came to visit that afternoon and we went to IHOP for our traditional no mess holiday dinner.  There were a lot of awkward moments with Thelma, but all in all, it was an enjoyable Christmas day. 

Lunar Eclipse

There was a total lunar eclipse last night.  I enjoyed the evening out in the backyard with my new iPod Star Walk app.  There were a lot of clouds and I could only see occasional glimpses of the moon as the Earth's shadow moved across it, but I managed to snap a couple of pictures of it before I started to get sprinkled on.

This was an unusual eclipse in that the same night marked the beginning of the winter solstice.  The last time this happened was in 1638.

It's coming back!

I used to love to garden.  It would consume me and I would find myself at work thinking about my plants, designing new flower beds, planning trips to the garden center, etc.  I would read books on plants, permiculture, and I would spend hours on gardening websites trying to identify plants that I saw in other people's yards and on my walks in the woods.  Then everything fell apart.  For the past six months my life has been completely numb.  I haven't had any interest in any of my old hobbies.  I have even thought about just letting my garden and yard die off so that I wouldn't have to worry about it.

A couple of days ago, a coworker and I went to the Arbor Gate at lunch and I was actually interested in plants again!  I started thinking about putting in a raised flower bed in the backyard and even planting more elaeagnus bushes along my back wall.  My interests are finally returning!  They aren't as potent as they used to be, but at least they are returning!

Telling the children...

It has been officially 6 months since I found out the truth and we decided that it was finally time to tell the children that there would be significant changes in the future.  Why did it take so long to tell them?  I'm not really sure, but it seemed like there was always something happening that got in the way.  We wanted to tell them on a weekend when we could have a full day to be together as a 'family' and be available to answer any and all questions that the kids might have had.  We also didn't want the children to associate the news with anything else in their lives; soccer, holidays, school functions, etc.  I guess part of it was also the two of us cringing under the weight of this reality.  If we told the children, then it was really real...no turning back.

Anyway, each of us had prepared things to say and ways to say them.  We had all sorts of positive spins that we thought we could put on the situation.  We had planned several great activities that would be fun and help the kids and us get our minds off the immanent changes.

We gathered what strength and courage that we had and called the children in to talk with us.  We began talking to the kids in their Love Languages the best we could.  We prepared calenders for each of them showing the days they would be living with daddy and days that they would be living with mommy.  Muffin (3 years old) quickly lost interest in the conversation and began to play.  Then she departed into the other room to find a more entertaining activity.  Peanut (6 years old) seemed concerned at first, but then began to get excited about the idea of having two different homes/places to play.  He was really thrilled with the prospect of helping mommy pick out a new home.  The thing that concerned him most was the idea of riding a different bus to school than the one he rides now.

Frankly, I was shocked.  We spent weeks agonizing and stressing about telling the children and one didn't care and the other one is excited about it.  One of the hardest parts of this entire divorce turned out to be nothing.  Sure, the full reality of the situation hasn't hit them yet and they won't truly understand it until they have to experience first hand the joint custody schedule, but at least the seed is planted and they can mull it over for a month or two until it happens.  Then (hopefully) it won't be such a shock to their systems.

Waiting also had benefits for me.  It gave me a chance to come to terms with the situation and accept the fact that things were over and would never go back to the way they used to be.  It gave me a chance to gather my strength so that I could be strong for the children should I have to be.

I guess things have a way of working out....

Surthrival....

So, I found out about 6 months ago (the day after my birthday to be exact) that the love of my life was actually in love with someone else.  I was introduced in a very personal way to Kubler-Ross and have gone through all of the stages many, many times.  I think that I've even gone through several that weren't listed or maybe simply haven't been discovered yet.  Anyway, I would like to officially propose a sixth stage: the recovery stage.  I have finally done more than accept the loss of my relationship and the reality of what that relationship was.  I have begun to recover. 

Thus, the reason for this blog.  This will be a record of my new journey as I not only survive, but learn to thrive in this new life.  I will keep this as a record of events for my two wonderful children (known here as Peanut and Muffin) and myself.  This will not be a blog to bash my ex-wife.  We've had over 18 years together and I've quite simply moved passed the desire to trash her.  This is a record meant for myself and my children but would consider it an added blessing if it helps someone else or I make some new friends out of it.